Hiraeth

All it takes is a little bit of courage

To come back to your Lord,

The most gracious, the most merciful

Take that small step

To bow down in Sujood

And then you realise, how desperately you have missed Him

Ya Allah, from the bottom of my heart

I sincerely seek your repentance

My head had been so engulfed in this merciless Dunya

That I conveniently ignored my souls plea for your Remembrance

For indeed, only in Your remembrance can my heart find solace

Yet I ignored, every single thought that came to me, to turn back to You

Ya Allah I have sinned

Yet, I’m hopeful of your mercy

Ya Allah, I have lost myself in this whirlpool that hit me and swept me off my feet

Yet there’s life in my heart, my body, my soul; craving for Your love

I deliberately cut the chord, that connected me to you

And how can I seek it in others, that which You have provided me

Relentlessly chanting my routine dhikr,

Heedlessly performing my daily namaz,

Mindlessly making my usual duas,

I was so engrossed in thinking of you

As a strict teacher, waiting to lash me in and out

If I ever fail in my tasks

Where did my love go?

Little did I think of you as

The most merciful, the most gracious

The most loving, the most forgiving

Yet you left your mark, helping me in my every struggle

Every single pressure had an ease on its way; Your sign that You love me

Little did I think of you as my Creator

Who is closer to me than my jugular vein

Who loves me exactly as I’m

Who is well aware of my every struggle

Who is consistently and unconditionally forgiving me

And giving me another day, another moment, another breath

Another chance to mend, to heal, to love

And to strive hard in your path, Ya Rabb

Ya Allah, you are the most High,

You are oft forgiving,

You are the most merciful,

You are the most loving,

Ya Allah, I seek your mercy with all my heart

I surrender and submit to You alone

And beg of you, to forgive me one more time

I cry in my Sujood to you alone

Until I feel you inside of me

Ya Allah, please help me in my life

Please ease what’s hurting in me

Please show me a way out from every test

Please make me a better person

Please guide me to Your wisdom, to Your light

Ya Allah, please grand me the Barakah of Your infinite mercy

And let that be my strength,

To carry myself with grace,

In this world and the next,

And to finally reach my eternal abode, to Your Jannah…

Allahumma Aameen..

Like seasons I might come and go

for there, in the earth’s soil

lies my deepest desires…

But the wind wont let me stay

Though the dawn promised me new horizons

Because I’m the Eye of the Storm..

I can NEVER rain…

In me lies the four chambers,

Chambers of Love and Sorrow,

of passion and melacholy,

of oceans and desserts,

of solitude and longing…

the oozing blood is heedless of its time,

yet it fervently chooses its beloved,

longing to be there forever…

My heart beats at its own pace,

I’m neither its friend, nor its foe

But its mild tremors,

its tumultous turmoils,

all at once shakes me from dusk to dawn..

And I let him down, my Earth..

To add his wrath, I found reasons..

What for? when my heart knows in and out,

Of him, all of his stupefied swallows..

Yet i mercilessly craved for his love…

The war just kept going within me…

I’m still bad, with all the good in me

hating the injustice that engulfed me

After my heavenly years of estasic retreat,

beneath the warmth of his chest..

All those beautiful nocturnal nights,

I slept like a new born baby, safe and sound

and all those wonderful mornings,

I woke up in his arms…

To my irravocable elixir of my life…His Love

I want him back, not just for him,

but for me, to be me,

because each time he knealt beside my banks,

not only could I contemplate his grace

But in the depth of his eyes, I could see

My own beauty reflected…

I’ve always wondered where they come from

And where they are heading

Floating beneath the mighty sky

I envy them for their freedom to roam

I wish I was a cloud in the sky

Above my loved ones, wherever they are

Caressing the birds and kissing the treetops

Pushing through horizons and sometimes making way for the sun

Crying my heart out when I’m burdened

And sending my love down

Wrapped in each pelting raindrop

I wish I was a cloud who broke all the shackles of the cage

And she soared high, living her life of purpose

land and water, Love and loss, she gets to feel it all

And when the time was up, she simply moved on..

To capture more hearts, to explore new zeniths, to witness more moments..

I wish I was a cloud, painting the sky

With her wildest heart, snowing in the air and hiding her sun

And alluring her moon with her enchanting elegance

Her delicate soul has room for all, the sun, the moon, the birds, the mountains

But she’s forever free, forever alone

Sometimes her tears run down the entire earth

And every creature beneath and above get to savour her and cleanse themselves

When her soul darkens, her wrath can reach the abyss sometimes

And engulf the soil avenging for more

But she can always be felt, for it’s always love that brings her back

She is ever ardent a mattress for everyone under her care

For a gaze to get locked in, she is indeed an eye piercing beauty

Behold her beauty, let the eyeballs rest

For in it is a comfort both for the spectator and his soul..

Sometimes she just stands still, and that’s when she needs her sun to shine through her

Sometimes she’s nowhere to be seen,

I have become a beggar..

Begging for your love

While I’m stranded in this land

Unaware of my home back home

I have become a beggar

Begging for your attention

While I’m choosing my words wisely

So that it doesn’t steal your time from me

I have become a beggar

Begging for your touch

While I’m hoping to the least

That you’d atleast come for my flesh

I have become a beggar

Begging for your care

While my head spins around

At the sight of your angry face

I have become a beggar

Begging for your kindness

While you want to hear none

of my tumultuous turmoils inside

I have become a beggar

Begging for your happiness

While I rot in the dungeons of solitude and sorrow

I have become a beggar

Begging for your friendship

While you want nothing from me

I have become a beggar

Begging for your cure

While my malady is slowly slithering in and spreading it’s venom

I have become a beggar

Begging for your time

While I know deep down

I haven’t much left..

And as I vanish

One fine day

I know you’d give me all the love in the world

If only it could bring me back to life

You’d give me all the time in the world,

If only it could add a second to mine..

You’d say you’ll save me from all the heartbreaks,

If only it could heal a single wound you caused..

You’d wish you hugged me one more time,

If only my body didn’t dust underneath..

You’d pray for me day and night,

If only it could enlighten my grave..

And when the grief is done and dealt with,

You’d move on

And I slowly begin to fade beneath your memories crust..

Like seasons I might come and go

But then,

Barren earth will bear new fruits

Darkest chambers will shred their light

Dusty desserts will behold new oases

Drooping roots will bloom their flowers

And there will not be a single trace

Of my love for you.

Hiraeth

You should be consistently and unconditionally feeding your souls with His Remembrance., the key to your salvation. Are you, in your deepest chambers of your heart, an obedient slave to your Lord? Or who else is it that you can find there? What is it that behold a greater place in your heart than your Lord? Look into yourselves. Realise that your Qalb needs worship. There is no turning back from Allah. At times when your rebellious nafs decides to delude you in the form of illness, tiredness or laziness, it should be your subconscious soul who should step in and recognise your stubbornness to stay idle, reading between the lines of unending excuses and reasons it weaves out in order to keep you farther from your Dheen. The cues, the triggers; all are your unique signs and signals, that is inherently telling you that you are deviating from your main focus of Life, your Ibadah, your connection with your Lord. When you realise that your Eeman is dropping, that instant you wake up. You wake up from your slumber. You take that first step of Isthigfar. Isthigfar. Isthigfar. Isthigfar. Engrave this inside you, only by the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace. And in between those desperate pleas for His Forgiveness, you will find your peace. You will feel your heart being cleansed, your soul refreshed and you are one step ahead to self purification. Renew, re-adjust, refocus, restart and return to the path of Allah always; the key to your salvation, in this world and the next. -Hiraeth